Bill Fitzhugh

Bob Dillon can't get a break. A down-on-his-luck exterminator, all he wants is his own truck with a big fiberglass bug on top -- and success with his radical new, environmentally friendly pest-killing technique. So Bob decides to advertise. Unfortunately, one of his flyers falls into the wrong hands. Marcel, a shady Frenchman, needs an assassin to handle a million-dollar hit, and he figures that Bob Dillon is his man. Through no fault -- or participation -- of his own, this unwitting pest controller from Queens has become a major player in the dangerous world of contract murder. And now Bob's running for his life through the wormiest sections of the Big Apple -- one step ahead of a Bolivian executioner, a homicidal transvestite dwarf, meatheaded CIA agents, cabbies packing serious heat ... and the world's number-one hit man, who might just turn out to be the best friend Bob's got.

Pest Control

Spence Tailor, a lawyer with an actual set of principals, loves his mama, Rose. Rose—with advanced cardiomyopathy and a rare blood type—is scheduled for a heart transplant. But when the president's heart craps out during a photo op three months before the national election, the White House chief of staff orders the FBI to seize the heart that was going to Rose—all in the name of democracy. But Spence isn't about to let anybody steal what rightfully belongs to his mom. So with the help of his reluctant older brother, they hijack the heart, inadvertently kidnap a beautiful cardiac surgery resident, and take to the road in a '65 Mustang—with all the president's men in potentially murderous pursuit.

Heart Seizure

Big-shot ad exec Dan Steele feels entitled to the best life has to offer - even if he has to live way beyond his means to acquire it. But there's hope on the horizon. Dan has just stolen what's sure to be an award-winning idea for a multimillion-dollar account. If he can keep the creditors at bay long enough, he'll get the keys to the executive restroom and all his problems will be solved. Unfortunately, that's when his brother, a Catholic priest, shows up at Dan's door in need of a loan to pay for some essential medical attention. Being both financially and morally challenged, Dan hands over his insurance card instead of his credit card. But it's too late. After running up a bill for $300,000, Father Michael goes the way of all flesh. Now Dan has a choice: go to prison for insurance fraud or take a vow of poverty and become a man of the cloth. Before he can say "God bless," Dan finds himself pursued by a relentless insurance investigator, the psychopathic copywriter whose idea he stole, and a deadly killer from his brother's mysterious past. And, as if that wasn't enough, Dan finds himself falling in love with a gun-toting nun. Let us pray. Praise for Bill Fitzhugh's Books 'A strange and deadly amalgam of screenwriter and comic novelist... in league with Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard.' New York Times Book Review 'A rip-roaring farce of a thriller.' Mirror 'Fitzhugh tightens his grip on a reputation for absurdist black comedy.' Bookpage

Cross Dressing

Bob Dillon can't get a break. A down-on-his-luck exterminator, all he wants is success with his radical new, environmentally friendly pest-killing technique. So Bob decides to advertise. Unfortunately, one of his flyers falls into the wrong hands. Marcel, a shady Frenchman, needs an assassin to handle a million-dollar hit, and he figures that Bob Dillon is his man. Through no fault - or participation - of his own, this unwitting pest controller from Queens has become a major player in the dangerous world of contract murder. And now Bob's running for his life through the wormiest sections of the Big Apple - one step ahead of a Bolivian executioner, a homicidal transvestite dwarf, meatheaded CIA agents, cabbies packing serious heat... and the world's number-one hit man, who might just turn out to be the best friend Bob's got. Reviews for the Assassin Bugs series 'One of the funniest, most off-beat thrillers... an action-packed plot stuffed with streetwise lines and larger than life characters.' The Times 'Wild and clever fun.' Carl Hiaasen 'Does for beetles what Jurassic Park did for dinosaurs... within its fascinating pages is a cast of creepy crawlies whose murderous methods put human predators to shame. Perfect holiday reading.' Liverpool Daily Post

Bill Fitzhugh strikes again! Following his widely acclaimed debut novel, Pest Control (The [London] Times called it "one of the funniest, most off-beat thrillers in years"), Fitzhugh turns his satirical eye to the merging of medical science and big business -- with hilarious and outrageous results. Paul Symon is an environmentalist who's out to make the world a better place, but he faces too much disjointed information, public apathy, and self-serving talk. Not to mention greedy despoiler Jerry Landis, a venture capitalist dying of a rare disease that accelerates the aging process. Landis cares only about making more money and finding a way to arrest his medical condition. That brings him and his fortune to the wild frontier of biotechnology, where his people are illegally experimenting with cross-species organ transplantation in California while breeding genetically altered primates at a secret site in the piney woods of south-central Mississippi. There's also an eco-terrorist on the loose, bent on teaching hard lessons to people who think the Earth and its creatures are theirs to destroy. These forces, together with fifty thousand extra-large chacma baboons, collide in an explosion of laughter and wonder that Bill Fitzhugh's growing league of admirers is coming to recognize as his very own.

The Organ Grinders

Kat Richardson

Jonathan Brown

Sarah M. Chen

Nick Kolakowski

Frank Zafiro

Colin Conway

Sam Wiebe

Brian Thornton

Scott Kikkawa

Debbie Mack

Jim Winter

A 509 Crime Anthology

A Bag of Dick's

All Bob Dillon ever wanted was a truck with a big fiberglass bug on the roof. All he had to do was survive a half dozen assassination attempts, pull a ten million dollar con on a Bolivian drug lord, and then fall off the face of the earth with his family and his new best friend, Klaus. Six years later, they've surfaced in Oregon where they are continuing to work on an all-natural means of pest control. Bob and Klaus are using advanced gene sequencers to consolidate the perfect insectkilling traits into one deadly bug. All this serious DNA tampering is expensive and they're running low on funds. But who will invest? The interested outfit turns out to be a front for an agency of the Department of Defense, and they want to enlist Bob, Klaus, and the bugs in the War on Terror. Things go swimmingly until that Bolivian drug lord discovers he was conned: he offers twenty million to whomever kills Bob and Klaus. Some of the world's best assassins descend on Hollywood and the weirdness reaches an apocalyptic level... Reviews for the Assassin Bugs series 'One of the funniest, most off-beat thrillers... an action-packed plot stuffed with streetwise lines and larger than life characters.' The Times 'Wild and clever fun.' Carl Hiaasen 'Does for beetles what Jurassic Park did for dinosaurs... within its fascinating pages is a cast of creepy crawlies whose murderous methods put human predators to shame. Perfect holiday reading.' Liverpool Daily Post

The Exterminators

All Bob Dillon ever wanted was a truck with a big fiberglass bug on the roof. All he had to do was survive a half dozen assassination attempts, pull a ten million dollar con on a Bolivian drug lord, and then fall off the face of the earth with his family and his new best friend, Klaus. Six years later, they've surfaced in Oregon where they are continuing to work on an all-natural means of pest control. Bob and Klaus are using advanced gene sequencers to consolidate the perfect insect-killing traits into one deadly bug. But all this serious DNA tampering is expensive and they're running low on funds. But who will invest? The interested outfit turns out to be a front for an agency of the Department of Defense, and they want to enlist Bob, Klaus, and the bugs in the War on Terror. Things go swimmingly until that Bolivian drug lord discovers he was conned: he offers twenty million to whomever kills Bob and Klaus. Some of the world's best assassins descend on Hollywood and the weirdness reaches an apocalyptic level....

Bill Fitzhugh

Books

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