Drew Hayes

Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to "survive." Because even after it's over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.

The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant

Knowledge is power. That would be the motto of Lander University, had it not been snatched up and used to death by others long before the school was founded. For while Lander offers a full range of courses to nearly all students, it also offers a small number of specialty classes to a very select few. Lander is home to the Hero Certification Program, a curriculum designed to develop student with superhuman capabilities, commonly known as Supers, into official Heroes. Five of this year's freshmen are extra special. They have a secret aside from their abilities, one that they must guard from even their classmates. Because for every one person in the world with abilities they can control, there are three who lack such skill. These lesser super beings, Powereds as they are called, have always been treated as burdens and second class citizens. Though there has been ample research in the area, no one has ever succeeded in turning a Powered into a regular human, let alone a Super. That is, until now...

Year 1

Super Powereds

Four Non-Player Characters (NPCs) find themselves forced to pretend they're adventurers in order to save their town and loved ones.

NPCs

When your fairy godmother threatens to enslave you with a curse - when a malevolent piper solves your rat problem but steals your children - when you seek revenge on the prince who turned you into a frog - who can you turn to in your hour of need? The band of scoundrels known far and wide as the Bastard Champions - the swashbuckling trio who travel a world of legend, seeking adventure and righting wrongs - as long as there's enough gold to be earned. They are Jack, the seemingly unkillable leader whose ever-present grin belies a dark past; Marie, who fights with fury but battles more fiercely to control the beast within; and Frank, the master of logistics, whose cloak hides horrific scars that are far more than skin-deep. As they slash and scheme through kingdom and village alike, the Bastard Champions uncover tantalizing clues to their ultimate quarry: the powerful Blue Fairy, who has made each of their lives a living hell.Second Hand Curses adds a dash of sly wit and a heaping portion of action to the fairy tales you thought you knew.

Second Hand Curses

The sequel to the Amazon bestseller THE UTTERLY UNINTERESTING AND UNADVENTUROUS TALES OF FRED, THE VAMPIRE ACCOUNTANT. After discovering just how filled with magic, intrigue, and adventure the parahuman world of being an Undead American can be, Fredrick Frankford Fletcher did exactly what was expected--he became a certified parahuman accountant. Myths and legends, as it turns out, are not so great at taking appropriate deductions and keeping their receipts, and Fred is more than happy to return to a life others view as woefully dull, expanding his accounting business to cater to various monsters and their respective financial needs. Said monsters are, unfortunately, still spectacular at pulling Fred into trouble, though. And despite merely wanting to stick with simple paperwork, Fred once again finds he is going to have to deal with enchanted weaponry, government agents, possessed houses, and one enigmatic dragon's interest. In the parahuman world, any business can turn deadly, even one as mundane as accounting.

Undeath & Taxes

The third book in Drew's outrageously adventurous and satirical series, including THE UTTERLY UNINTERESTING AND UNADVENTUROUS TALES OF FRED, THE VAMPIRE ACCOUNTANT (Book 1) and UNDEATH & TAXES (Book 2). With a thriving parahuman accounting practice, a steady relationship, and a circle of trusted friends, Fred's undead life has become more enjoyable than his normal one ever was. Unfortunately, it also seems that he's no longer the only vampire to appreciate the up-and-coming city of Winslow, Colorado. A new clan of vampires is moving in, and they aren't well known for tolerating outsiders in their territory. Now, Fred must cope with the growing presence-and threat-of other vampires even as he struggles to keep up with his business's demands and make time for his friends. Between hidden parahuman towns, crazed vampire hunters, quarreling mages, and the world's least subtle spy, it will take all of Fred's wiles just to keep his head above water. And as the new clan sinks their fangs deeper and deeper into his city, the undead accountant is faced with a choice between two equally unappealing options: flee his home, or stand against an entire clan of fellow vampires.

Bloody Acquisitions

After several years as a vampire, starting a business, founding his own clan, and proposing to his girlfriend, Fred is finally beginning to settle into life as an undead accountant. Unfortunately, not everyone is happy about his continued survival, or the dangerous friends he's made along the way. The Blood Council has dispatched a representative to determine if Fred is fit for the position he currently fills as head of a clan, and the stakes for failure are deathly serious. Worse, Fred will have to muddle through without the help of Krystal, who is off on a mysterious task of her own. Saddled with a new bodyguard, Fred will have to prove he's got what it takes to be a respectable vampire, control his abilities, and lead a clan. Because if he can't, the House of Fred will be no more.

Deadly Assessments

Titan was one of the nation's most loved and respected Heroes, until an infidelity scandal tore his image and family apart. After decades spent out of the limelight, Owen Daniels has decided to take up the mantle of Titan once again to try and make amends for his years away. Unfortunately, the Titan Scandal is still common knowledge, and no Hero team wants such a polarizing figure. With no other options, Owen is forced to take a job overseeing a group of corpies, corporate-sponsored Supers who do rescue work... as long as there are cameras around. Between a team that doesn't want him, fellow Heroes who don't trust him, and a nation that might not be ready to forgive the sins of the past, the return of Titan could prove even harder than the scandal that drove him away. But Owen will have to push on, because his new city is far from a peaceful one. A mysterious enemy is attacking Heroes and growing steadily stronger. An enemy that only the once-legendary Titan might be able to stop. If he can manage to stick around this time.

Corpies

Fleeing from a vengeful king has sent the former NPCs across Solium's borders, into the kingdom of Alcatham. As wanted fugitives, they head to the small farming village of Briarwillow, hoping to blend in, lay-low, and avoid trouble at all costs. Unfortunately, Briarwillow has problems all its own, and its troubles quickly become theirs. If they hope to survive long enough to escape, they'll have to tackle an all-but-forgotten mystery buried at the town's border, as well as seek the wisdom of a mysterious group of mages. With time, magic, and at least one god against them, it will take everything they've got to save Briarwillow, and themselves.

Split the Party

Bones of the Past

When Fred formed his own parahuman clan out of necessity, he understood that it was going to come with new responsibilities. Much as he hoped those tasks would center around extra paperwork and perhaps the occasional mandatory class, enough time around the supernatural has taught him to be ready for anything. Or so he thought.As a freelance accountant for the Agency, Fred soon finds himself being tossed into new, unexpected, and perilous situations. From inventorying ghostly castles, to exploring unsettling amusement parks, to negotiating with dangerous mages, it seems there is no end to the uses for an accountant of Fred's specialty. But dangerous as the new jobs are, the greatest threat may come from the past. An old enemy is making waves once more, an enemy who would go to great lengths to destroy Fred and everyone he loves. And this time, they've brought backup.The fourth book in the hilarious series following Fred, the vampire accountant, and the misadventures he finds himself in.

The Fangs of Freelance

Gifted with metahuman powers in a world full of capes and villains, Tori Rivas kept away from the limelight, preferring to work as a thief in the shadows. But when she's captured trying to rob a vault that belongs to a secret guild of villains, she's offered a hard choice: prove she has what it takes to join them or be eliminated. Apprenticed to one of the world's most powerful (and supposedly dead) villains, she is thrust into a strange world where the lines that divide superheroes and criminals are more complex than they seem. The education of a villain is not an easy one, and Tori will have to learn quickly if she wants to survive. On top of the peril she faces from her own teacher, there are also the capes and fellow apprentices to worry about, to say nothing of having to keep up a civilian cover. Most dangerous of all, though, are those who loathe the guild's very existence. Old grudges mean some are willing to go to any length to see the guild turned to ash, along with each one of its members. Even the lowly apprentices

Forging Hephaestus

When Fred formed his own parahuman clan out of necessity, he understood that it was going to come with new responsibilities. Much as he hoped those tasks would center around extra paperwork and perhaps the occasional mandatory class, enough time around the supernatural has taught him to be ready for anything. Or so he thought. As a freelance accountant for the Agency, Fred soon finds himself being tossed into new, unexpected, and perilous situations. From inventorying ghostly castles, to exploring unsettling amusement parks, to negotiating with dangerous mages, it seems there is no end to the uses for an accountant of Fred's specialty. But dangerous as the new jobs are, the greatest threat may come from the past. An old enemy is making waves once more, an enemy who would go to great lengths to destroy Fred and everyone he loves. And this time, they've brought backup. The fourth book in the hilarious series following Fred, the vampire accountant, and the misadventures he finds himself in.

Requiem for an Elf

Poison Elves

In October of 2013, Drew Hayes began posting a story to his website. Written over the 13 days leading up to Halloween, when each chapter ended the next step was chosen by the readers. Sometimes this led to great discoveries and triumphs, other paths led to Dead Ends, though even in those there was much to be gleaned.

For ten years, this tradition occurred, until in the year of 2022, the readers chose a finale.

This is their story: a tale of deaths and decisions that spanned a decade.

A Decade of Death and Decisions

Poison Elves, Vol. 5 (Sanctuary)

Requiem for an Elf Volume One

Poison Elves, Vol. 4 (Patrons) (Poison Elves)

Poison Elves, Vol. 3 (Desert of the Third Sin) (Poison Elves)

After surviving countless perils and dangers, including an examination by the Blood Council, Fred is preparing to take on his most important adventure to date: marrying Krystal. That is, if he can get everything handled in time. Visiting Boarback, hiring new staff, clearing out his schedule for a honeymoon; there's no shortage of tasks to check off before the big day arrives.But not everyone views the occasion in such a happy light. With new dangers looming, old debts raised, and grudges rekindled, it'll take everything Fred has to finally make it down the aisle.

Drew Hayes

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