Eirik Gumeny

Exponential Apocalypse, by Eirik Gumeny, is the first offering from Jersey Devil Press. It's the tender, heart-stirring tale of crappy jobs, a slacker cult, an alcoholic Aztec god, reconstituted world leaders, werewolves, robots, and the shenanigans of multiple persons living after the twentieth-aught end of the world. It's funny as hell and, according to the author's mother, incredibly profane. But, despite these potty-mouth tendencies, it is still the most hilarious thing you will ever read and your life will surely be changed for the better.

Exponential Apocalypse

David Fleming

James Steele

Danger Slater

Jon Konrath

David Raffin

Patrick D'Orazio

Nick Cato

Vincent Sakowski

Douglas Hackle

John McNee

Donald Armfield

Christy Stewart

Justin Grimbol

Tall Tales with Short Cocks returns with 15 new stories from Bizarro Press. Featuring "The Apple of My iPhone" by Danger Slater, "Laser Tits" by Justin Grimbol, "The Interstellar Quest for Snack Cakes" by Patrick D'Orazio, and many more!

A Bizarro Press Anthology

Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 2

Grady Hendrix

David Atkinson

Jessica McHugh

Arthur Graham

Ross Lockhart

Bradley Sands

Jeff O'Brien

Casper Kelly

Chanteclaire Coquine

Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 4 - Now with taller tales and shorter cocks!Starring:Casper Kelly - Writing credits include Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Squidbillies, Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, and many others.Bradley Sands - Author of TV Snorted My Brain, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy ... Well, you get the point - he's awesome.Ross E. Lockhart - Author of Chick Bassist and editor of The Book of Cthulhu and Tales of Jack the Ripper.Danger Slater - International playboy and secret agent. Responsible for writing DangerRAMA and Love Me, and also seducing yo' momma.Douglas Hackle, AKA "Tha Hustla" - Author of Clown Tear Junkies and contributor to The Surreal Grotesque and certain other e-zines of ill repute.John McNee - The author of Grudgepunk delivers the next highly anticipated story from Grudgehaven.Jessica McHugh - Author of Rabbits in the Garden and Pins, she's also appeared in multiple anthologies including "Death to the Brothers Grimm".Arthur Graham - Just some guy who takes nude photos of himself and edits books on the side.Eirik Gumeny - Author of the Exponential Apocalypse series and former editor of Jersey Devil Press.Jeff O'Brien - To date he has seven books under his belt, including The Splatter House Rules, The Halloween Orgy Massacre, and Bigboobenstein.Grady Hendrix - Has written for Playboy, Slate, the Village Voice, Variety, the New York Post, and now Tall Tales with Short Cocks.Chanteclaire Coquine (pronounced "Cock-Queen") - The granddaughter of a notorious South Texas cockfighting kingpin makes her debut in this volume.David S. Atkinson - author of The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes (spring 2014), Bones Buried in the Dirt, and anything else you're gullible enough to believe if it makes you pick up the restaurant check.

Tall Tales with Short Cocks

Six months ago, Thor, the former Norse God of Thunder – along with the motley crew of political clones and cyborgs and psychic squirrels he calls his friends – saved the world. And, in a wholly unprecedented move, this time the world stayed saved. The frozen head of Walt Sidney is not happy about that. Like, at all. The bodiless businessman has pit his two top men against each other and sent them after the group, in a contest to see who can out-murder who. Because vengeance is a dish best served lukewarm and out of a can, heated over the smoldering remains of your enemies. Also, vengeance should be eaten with an officially-licensed Lindsey Louse Spearin’ Spork for maximum vengeance-ing. The fourth book in the EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series, REVENGE-ARONI is smart, vulgar, and quite simply and with absolutely zero hyperbole, the single best post-apocalyptic book about borderline inept, mercenary heroes you will ever read. Filled with gallows humor and inventive swearing and run-on sentences, as well as sex, drugs, violence, and blatant attacks on artisanal coffee, REVENGE-ARONI will surely be looked back on as the piece of literature that saved humanity from both itself and the inevitable uprising of homicidal crab-people.

Revenge-aroni

Fallen gods. Cloned queens. Psychokinetic squirrels. Atomic werewolves. Hippie zombies. Jell-O monsters. Butter monsters. Booger monsters. An army of philosophers bent on world domination. A cybernetically-enhanced donut maker. The horned-up ghosts of elderly lady serial killers. The frozen head of Walt Sidney. Earthquakes. Fire tornados. A global volcanic winter. A supermassive extradimensional black hole. Dr. Vanilla Ice II. And that's literally not even the half of it. Five books. Seventeen stories. More f-bombs than Microsoft Word can count. Ten years of EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE are collected into a single volume, an omnibus that, like a stoner's rug, ties everything together, from the first doomsday to the very last. THE END OF EVERYTHING FOREVER is a fifty-year epic of extinction events, the genre-spanning saga of a planet in perpetual peril, a world that can't seem to stop itself from ending – and all the nihilists and nutcases, the anti-heroes and con artists and mad scientists and slackers, that keep trying to save it. Even if it is only because there’s nothing on TV that day. With a foreword by Danger Slater. "If The Avengers was written by Terry Pratchett and directed by Kevin Smith, you might end up in the same dimension as the Exponential Apocalypse series." – Kat Clay, Radiant Attack

an Exponential Apocalypse omnibus

The End of Everything Forever

Thor, former Norse God of Thunder, has returned to his day job at the Secaucus Holiday Inn, surlier than ever. His Google alert for "Ragnarok" is bringing in fewer and fewer results, and he's beginning to think that the Twilight of the Gods might never come to free him from the hellish nightmare that is minimum-wage customer service. But then Timmy, a telekinetic, telepathic super-squirrel, comes skittering back into Thor's life, bruised and slightly smoking after having his tail handed to him by a two-hundred-year-old mad scientist in a robotic exoskeleton. The rodent needs help, and, despite his best intentions, that help is going to have to be Thor and his friends Chester A. Arthur XVII and Queen Victoria XXX. DEAD PRESIDENTS, the second book in the EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series, continues where the first one left off, following Thor and company through a world rife with megalomanical clones, dinosaur armies, zombies, mad scientists, rhinos with lasers, and all manner of action and misadventure. Uproarious and unrestrained, DEAD PRESIDENTS puts the "doody" in doomsday and the "ha" in worldwide annihilation.

Dead Presidents

Experience F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic Jazz Age novel of lost love, wild parties, and the impossible promise of the American Dream the way it was almost certainly never meant to be: with mercenaries, shadowy government agencies, meditations on violence, death, and masculinity, and a much more rewarding love story for Nick and Jordan. Oh, and also? Secret international cabals of werewolf assassins. Nick Carraway, a traumatized soldier trying to escape his past, moves to Long Island in search of a new – and quiet – future. Instead, he’s drawn into the increasingly tangled orbits of his cousin Daisy, lovelorn and imprisoned by her past; her husband Tom, a jackbooted corporate fixer; the alluring and sardonic Jordan Baker; and, of course, his neighbor Gatsby, a millionaire playboy renowned for his excess as much as the mysteries surrounding him. What follows is a stirring (and still surprisingly familiar) tale of romance, revelations, reefer, redemption – and revenge.

or, an American Werewolf in West Egg

The Greatest Gatsby

There had been twenty-two apocalypses to date. There were now four distinct variations of humanity roaming the earth – six, if you counted the undead. It had been suggested that there really should have been a new word to describe "the end of everything forever," but most people had stopped noticing, much less caring, after the tally hit double digits. Not to mention the failure of "forever" in living up to its potential. The last apocalypse wasn't even considered a cataclysm by most major governments. It was just a Thursday. EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE is the tender, heart-stirring tale of crappy jobs, a slacker cult, an alcoholic Aztec god, reconstituted world leaders, werewolves, robots, and the shenanigans of multiple persons living after the twentieth-aught end of the world. Fast-paced, frenetic, funny, and frequently fond of other f-words, EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE is the only book that will have you looking forward to the end of the world.

Eirik Gumeny

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