Iain Grant

Heide Goody

Charged with gross incompetence, Satan is fired from his job as Prince of Hell and exiled to that most terrible of places: English suburbia. Forced to live as a human under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof, the dark lord not only has to contend with the fact that no one recognises him or gives him the credit he deserves but also has to put up with the bookish wargamer next door and the voracious man-eater upstairs. Heaven, Hell and the city of Birmingham collide in a story that features murder, heavy metal, cannibalism, armed robbers, devious old ladies, Satanists who live with their mums, gentlemen of limited stature, dead vicars, petty archangels, flamethrowers, sex dolls, a blood-soaked school assembly and way too much alcohol. Clovenhoof is outrageous and irreverent (and laugh out loud funny!) but it is also filled with huge warmth and humanity. Written by first-time collaborators Heide Goody and Iain Grant, Clovenhoof will have you rooting for the bad guy like never before.

Clovenhoof

It's the end of the world as we know it, but someone still needs to do the paperwork. Incomprehensible horrors from beyond are going to devour our world but that's no excuse to get all emotional about it. Morag Murray works for the secret government organisation responsible for making sure the apocalypse goes as smoothly and as quietly as possible. In her first week on the job, Morag has to hunt down a man-eating starfish, solve a supernatural murder and, if she's got time, prevent her own inevitable death. The first book in a new comedy series by the creators of 'Clovenhoof', Oddjobs is a sideswipe at the world of work and a fantastical adventure featuring amphibian wannabe gangstas, mad old cat ladies, ancient gods, apocalyptic scrabble, fish porn, telepathic curry and, possibly, the end of the world before the weekend.

Oddjobs

The dragon queen is dead, her dragon flown off into the east. The capital city is in flames and ruin. Who will rebuild the city and how? While the lords squabble over who should be king, a self-appointed council - a former-pirate, a thief-turned-treasurer, a knight of the realm and someone who calls himself a dentist - need to save the city from itself. Because the dragon might have gone but perhaps it left something behind...

Exit the Dragon

A city under siege by a barbarian horde...A band of ruthless mercenaries...A trap-filled dungeon...A situation like this calls for the best wizard in town.What they've got is the ONLY wizard in town: Newport Pagnell, oral hygiene specialist.More used to soothing fevered gums and extracting rotten teeth, this dental spellcaster has to perform an operation like never before: extracting a fabled treasure from the jaws of certain doom. This time, he might have bitten off more than he can chew...

The Only Wizard in Town

All Nick wants to do is take his dying father for a perfect father-son weekend in the Scottish Highlands. It's not much to ask, is it? A log cabin, a roaring fire, a bottle of fine whisky and two days to paper over the cracks in their relationship.However, Nick didn't plan on making the trip with a dead neighbour in the back of his car. Or the neighbour's dog. He really didn't plan on being pursued by a psychotic female assassin intent on collecting body parts. And he really, really didn't plan on encountering a platoon of heavily armed mercenaries, or some very hungry boars, or a werewolf.A Heart in the Right Place - a horror comedy about setting out with the very best intentions and then messing everything up.

A Heart in the Right Place

Pigeonwings

When Jeremy Clovenhoof decides to set himself up as President for Life of his own breakaway country, he knows he'll need money, lots and lots of money. That might be a bit difficult, particularly since the Inland Revenue have just presented him with an enormous tax bill and Heaven and Hell have sent Joan of Arc and Rutspud of the Sixth Circle to bring him under control. But nothing can keep this devil down. He's got the business acumen and the spunk to make a fortune and found the independent nation state of Hooflandia. Come see the really big wall! Enjoy the nudist beach! Visit the combined log flume and waterboarding torture centre! The seventh book in the Clovenhoof series, Hooflandia, is a ridiculous romp, featuring ventriloquist dummies, cut-price funerals, sexy archbishops, robot cars, musical butt plugs, tax avoidance and a million angry nuns.

Hooflandia

Life at St Cadfan's is never dull. There's the cellar full of unexplained corpses. There's the struggle to find food when the island is placed under quarantine. And there's that peculiar staircase in the cellar... Being a demon in Hell has its own problems. There's the increasingly impossible torture quotas to meet. There's the entire horde of Hell waiting for you to slip up and make a mistake. And there's that weird staircase in the service tunnels... Brother Stephen of St Cadfan's and Rutpsud of the Sixth Circle, natural enemies and the most unnatural of friends, join forces to solve a murder mystery, save a rare species from extinction and stop Hell itself exploding. The fourth novel in the Clovenhoof series, Hellzapoppin' is an astonishing comedy featuring suicidal sea birds, deadly plagues, exploding barbecues, dancing rats, magical wardrobes, King Arthur's American descendants, mole-hunting monks, demonic possession and way too much seaweed beer.

Hellzapoppin'

Halloween 2016. It is eight days until the American people vote for the 45th President of the United States and millions are struck with horror at the prospect of Donald J Trump - businessman, reality TV star and professional wrestler - getting his hands on the oval office. However, few of those people know that Nostradamus had foreseen both Trump's presidency and the British exit from the EU spelling the end of the world as we know it. Jeremy Clovenhoof and Michael Michaels - the earthly incarnations of Satan and the Archangel Michael - have read the prophecies and must do their utmost to stop them coming true (because Clovenhoof can't let the world end until he's seen the latest series of Game of Thrones). As Michael heads to Europe to undo Brexit through the power of song, Clovenhoof flies to the US to stop Trump becoming president by whatever means are necessary. If you want a searing indictment of global politics and intelligent analysis of the greatest historical events of our time, go somewhere else. But if you want rampaging elephants, naked continental types, drone-mounted chickens, accidental neo-Nazis, LSD-spiked brownies, the Large Hadron Collider and the vengeful spirit of the Statue of Liberty then this slice of hellish fun might be just what you need.

Clovenhoof & the Trump of Doom

To the devil a daughter! Parenthood can come as a shock to some. It's especially shocking if you are Satan, the Prince of Hell, and are trying to live a quiet life of semi-retirement in suburban England under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof. Clovenhoof quickly finds that being a single parent involves more than lullabies and nappies and has to contend with social disapproval, paternity tests and, possibly, the end of the world. The fifth novel in the Clovenhoof series, Beelzebelle is an anarchic adventure, featuring a psychotic monkey au pair, runaway coffins, badly stuffed animals, strip dominoes, fire-breathing ferrets, pimped-up prams, well-meaning middle-class mums, apocalyptic floods, the largest act of public nudity Birmingham has ever seen and way too much homebrew Lambrini.

Beelzebelle

The Team: Joan of Arc, the armour-plated teen saint of Orleans. Francis of Assisi, friend to all the animals whether they like it or not. St Christopher, the patron saint of travel who by papal decree has never existed - no matter how much he argues otherwise. The Mission: An impossible prayer has been received by Heaven and it's a prayer that only Mary, Mother of God, can answer. Unfortunately, Mary hasn't been seen in decades and is off wandering the Earth somewhere. This elite team of Heavenly saints are sent down to Earth to find Mary before Armageddon is unleashed on an unsuspecting world. Godsquad: A breathless comedy road trip from Heaven to France and all points in-between featuring murderous butchers, a coachload of Welsh women, flying portaloos, nuclear missiles, giant rubber dragons, an army of dogs, a very rude balloon and way too much French wine.

Godsquad

Stephen and his friends spent their teenage years immersed in the fantasy gaming worlds of wizards and warriors, undertaking quests to fight evil occultists, vanquish terrible monsters and rescue damsels in distress. Now, twenty-something years later, there is a real-life quest. Life as a monk has hardly prepared Brother Stephen for the mission ahead. Demon Rutspud is definitely not a damsel, but he is in distress. The evil occultists are real and if Stephen doesn't rescue Rutspud from a fate worse than death, no one will... Sword-wielding Satanists, stir crazy demons, super-smart squirrels, magical garbage and a suitcase that cannot be stopped run riot in a story about the bonds of friendship and dark deeds in suburban cellars.

Holymoly

Dee is a Good Witch but she wonders if she could be a better witch. She wonders if there's more to life than Disney movie marathons, eating a whole box of chocolates for dinner and brewing up potions in her bathtub. So when she's offered a chance to go on a personal development course in the English countryside, she packs her bags, says goodbye to the Shelter for Unloved Animals charity shop and sets a course for self-improvement. Caroline isn't just a Good Witch, she's a fricking awesome witch. She likes to find the easy path through life: what her good looks can't get for her, a few magic charms can. But she's bored of being a waitress and needs something different in her life. So when a one night stand offers her a place on an all-expenses-paid residential course in a big old country house, she figures she's got nothing to lose. Jenny is a Wicked Witch. She just wishes she wasn't. On her fifteenth birthday, she got her first wart, her own imp and a Celine Dion CD. She still has the imp. She also has a barely controllable urge to eat human children which is socially awkward to say the least and not made any easier when a teenager on the run turns to her for help. With gangsters and bent cops on their trail, Jenny needs to find a place outside the city where they can lay low for a while. For very different reasons, three very different witches end up on the same training course and land in a whole lot of trouble when they discover that there's a reason why their free country break sounds too good to be true. Foul-mouthed imps, wererats, naked gardeners, tree monsters, ghosts and stampeding donkeys abound in a tale about discovering your inner witch.

A Spell in the Country

Stephanie Ellis

James Everington

Dave Jeffery

Paul Feeney

Mark West

Raven Dane

Theresa Derwin

Tim Dry

Dean Drinkel

Romain Collier

Jason Brawn

Nocturnicorn Books and FEAR Magazine present 13 sinister seasonal stories to freeze the blood from some of Horror's best indie authors ...

One Hell of a Christmas

12 Dark Days

This time it's Personnel

Some bodies just won't stay buried. When a client tells Sam Applewhite she's seen ghosts in the nearby graveyard, Sam dismisses it as the ramblings of an old woman. She's got bigger things to worry about -- keeping on top of her job at DefCon4 Security Services isn't easy -- particularly since her manager is a cactus and no one will tell her what her job actually is. But when the ghost-spotting client goes missing and only Sam suspects foul play, she is compelled to dig deeper. Aided by her retired stage magician father and the owner of the most outlandish junk shop on the sea front, Sam dives into a mystery involving psychotic seals, unexploded air force munitions, DIY foot surgery and a corpse that just won't quit.

Sealfinger

Disenchanted, Sprite Brigade #3

Curious about the day that Saint Christopher found out he'd been declared non-existent by the pope? What exactly is a cat in Hell's chance? How would an annual Christmas present exchange between Heaven and Hell work out? Find out the answers to these and other pressing questions in this collection of short stories from the world of Clovenhoof. This contains the stories, Clovenhoof's Shed and Clovenhoof Goes To Night School, which were previously published individually, but there are eight other stories included here featuring favourite characters from Heaven and Hell. Contains: Clovenhoof goes to Night School. Patron Saint of Nothing At All. Clovenhoof and the Snowmen. Saint Nicholas and the Krampus. Detritus at the Church Fete. Clovenhoof and the Spiders. A Cat in Hell's Chance. The Non-Specific Prayer Assessment Unit. The Hoof. Clovenhoof's Shed.

Heide Goody

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