Ian Black

Leslie Black

Greatest Manc One-Liners is the latest collection of the Manc's knack for the straightforward insults, the sly digs, and the outright naked threats, gleaned from pubs and clubs Manchester-wide by Ian Black, master of the quick sidestep. Hilarious, witty and full of priceless quirky quips, this book will make you laugh, cry and have you reciting quotes to everyone you meet. Just take care, though, you never know who is listening!

Greatest Manc One-Liners

The traditional rivalries run deep between Glasgow's industry-blighted East End and the leafy suburban academia of the West End. The typical West Ender viewpoint is that the East End is full of workshy junkies and your average East Enders knows fine that the West End is populated by jumped-up snobs, but a shared sense of humour means that everything is just hunky-dory. 'Aye right', as we say in Glasgow when we mean: 'No way'.These rivalries are ancient, sometimes vicious, and run as deep at the Styx, but nowadays the main weapon is humour. People in the West are reacting to the suggestion that the Commonwealth Games is being shared by the city: 'Shared is it? Aye, the East End is getting it and we're paying for it'. These are the tall tales, the tantrums and the taradiddles told by both sides. Laugh? You'll probably flit to Edinburgh.

Eastenders vs Westenders and Westenders vs Eastenders

Looking to escape the black cloak of your Calvinist heritage? Feeling dismally depressed by tomes of gloomy Scottish sayings? Need an umbrella against life's constant drizzle of pessimism? The look no further than Positive Thinking for Calvinists - The School of Soft Knox. We all know that the Scottish psyche is a complex creature, a victim of centuries of sackcloth and ashes. And when we look into the deep well of our Scottish souls we see the dark waters of Calvinism lying in wait. Definitely time for some positive thinking . . . So, if you've ever wondered if wool grows just as fast on lazy sheep, why hard work sometimes pays off in the future but indolence works this very minute and what exactly is the worst sort of Calvinist, then the answers are all here. And you might be surprised. You might even, God help us all, crack a smile or two dozen.

The School of Soft Knox

Positive Thinking for Calvinists

Mair/Merr hilarious jokes and anecdotes on the eternal struggle that is WEEGIES v EDINBUGGERS Ian Black has been called 'a best selling author' so many times that he is thinking of patenting the phrase and making his fortune that way, but he still wishes that he was Alexander McCall Smith or that nice blonde woman who writes about the wee laddie with the scar and the glasses, as that would mean to hell with poverty and let's throw another pea in the soup. But he still has to work and has now produced MAIR Edinbuggers Vs Weegies/MERR Weegies Vs Edinbuggers. This latest effusion is a completely new collection of anti-Weegie and anti-Edinbugger swedging, hard hits and sneaky bits from the West and East sides, sharp jibes and bludgeoning diatribes, including the slogan from a graffitti-covered wall in Glasgow's West End which avers that 'James Kelman likes fucking Edinburgh' and the one, possibly from Pilton, which claims 'Hugh MacDiarmid took sugar in his porridge'.You may find some reference to Shir Sean and the reason that he chose to support Celtic rather than Hearts or Hibs*, and you will find a list of things that you will never see in Edinburgh, but which have been personally observed by the author in the streets of Glasgow, starting with a Muslim woman in the full chador, Iranian Abaya-style, eyeslit only, pulling said eyeslit down so that she could blow a big bubble with her gum to amuse her toddler. But it is just friendly rivalry really, isn't it? To use the double positive negative, a figure of speech unique to Scotland: Aye, right. * It's because, as the Weegies so artlessly say: "He's a Fenian b******".

Leslie Black

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