Rob Dircks

"I found the journal at work. Well, I don't know if you'd call it work, but that's where I found it. It's the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an "Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus"--That allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite dimensions that make up the multiverse. Crazy, right? But that's just where the crazy starts." [back cover].

Where the Hell Is Tesla? a Novel

Rob Dircks, bestselling author of Where the Hell is Tesla?, has a "unit" with a problem: how to deliver his package, out in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to guide him. Oh, and with the fate of humanity hanging in the balance. It's a science fiction tale of technology gone haywire, unlikely heroes, and the nature of humanity.

A Novel

The Wrong Unit

SOMETHING CALLED THE "BLUE JUICE" IS COMING. FOR ALL OF US. Luckily, me (Chip Collins), Pete, Nikola Tesla, Bobo, and FBI Agent Gina Phillips are here to kick its ass, and send it back to last Tuesday. Maybe. Or maybe we'll fail, and everyone in the multiverse is doomed. (Seriously, you might want to get that underground bunker ready.) Either way, I've got to get home to Julie and find out... woah, I'm not about to tell you that right here in the book description! TMI.WARNING: If you haven't read Where the Hell is Tesla?, I apologize in advance, as you might get completely freaking lost. If you do, just call my apartment, I'm usually around, and I'll fill you in. (If I'm not stuck in the ITA.)

Don't Touch the Blue Stuff! (Where the Hell Is Tesla? Book 2)

The Third book in the Where the Hell is Tesla? Trilogy is HERE! Listen, having kids is great, my little Gigi Collins and Pete's daughter Hannah are sweet little fluffs of cotton candy, spun from the silk of fairy spiders who live in the clouds. But MAN, can they cause trouble. Seriously, you'd think a two-year-old couldn't possibly threaten the very existence of our physical reality, but, well, you know where this is going. So join me and Pete, and Bobo, and of course the man himself, Nikola Tesla, on another spine-tingling, bowel-loosening thrill ride, and remember: bring your adult diapers. WARNING: If you haven't read Where the Hell is Tesla? and Don't Touch the Blue Stuff! (Where the Hell is Tesla? Book 2), I apologize in advance, as you might get completely freaking lost. If you do, just call my apartment, if I'm not watching Gigi I'll try to pick up the phone, and I'll fill you in. (Assuming our physical reality still exists.) - Chip

Gigi Make Paradox (Where the Hell is Tesla? Book 3)

SCI-FI ODYSSEY. COMEDY. LOVE STORY. AND OF COURSE... NIKOLA TESLA. I'll let Chip, the main character tell you more: "I found the journal at work. Well, I don't know if you'd call it work, but that's where I found it. It's the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an "Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus" - that allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite possibilities around us. Crazy, right? But that's just where the crazy starts." CHIP'S OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction: the events depicted in the collection of emails did not happen. I have never been in contact with a covert government group attempting to suppress knowledge of the lost journal of Nikola Tesla. I have not been threatened with death if I divulge the secrets contained inside. They did not buy me this handsome jacket (oh crap, you're reading this - trust me, it looks great on me). They did not come to my place, and liquor me up, and offer to publish this book as a sci-fi comedy novel to throw the public off the trail of the real truth. Or did they? I'm kidding. Of course they didn't. Or did they? God, I can't keep my big mouth shut. Where the Hell is Tesla? has been compared to Terry Pratchett (the Discworld series), Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and even Kurt Vonnegut (I know, that last one is probably a stretch.) Praise for Where the Hell is Tesla? "If Bill and Ted were approaching middle age (and gotten just this much more world weary along the way), then went on an Even More Excellent Science Fact Adventure, you might get something like Rob Dircks' debut novel, Where the Hell is Telsa? Smart, funny, and just like its titular scientist, impressively inventive, this is a must-read for anyone who aced science and, even more so, for those of us who didn't. Which means, quite simply, it's a book for everyone." - Michael Zam, Screenwriting Professor, NYU "Reminds me of Vonnegut. Yeah, I said that." - Ruth Sinanian, Connoisseur of Fine Literature Amazon.com Reviews: "An extraordinarily unexpected delight... will appeal to fans of Pratchett and Adams." "A wild, witty wonderful ride through a historically accurate backdrop. You will laugh, it's not dumb humor but very smart." "Very entertaining and a great homage to a great scientist. If you're looking to laugh out loud while reading, then this is the book for you." "I was laughing at times and on the edge of my seat other times. The character of Chip is wonderful." "I advise all readers to not attempt to read this before bed or a nap thinking you will read just one chapter. You won't and you can't!"

Where the Hell is Tesla? A Novel

Tesla'nın Gizli Makinesi

It's the self-help book you've always wanted. The one that tells you're fine just the way you are - and that you can probably get away with doing even less. It sounds like a paradox, I know. But just look at the mighty sloth, who makes no excuses for who he is - and becomes everything he needs to be. And now it's your turn. Take a nap instead of mowing the lawn. Save yourself a few steps and jaywalk. Save yourself a few pen strokes and replace your signature with an X. Make life easier, and you'll find that you'll be just as lovable, productive or unproductive as you would've been anyway - but without all the unecessary stress and guilt. Now THAT'S what I call reaching your potential!

Unleash the Sloth! 75 Ways to Reach Your Maximum Potential by Doing Less

Living and slaving in Fill City One, you get used to the smell. We call it the Everpresent Stink. But every once in a while, on a spring day with a breeze, it clears away enough to remind us that there is something more out there. Most Fillers' wildest dreams would be just to get past the walls and live in the mainland. But my dream? It's a little bigger. I'm going to Mars. Well, I'm only going to Mars if I can find a winning Red Scarab to get on Zach Larson's crazy reality show. And then I'll have to figure out how to escape this hellhole. And then compete on live television for three months. And somehow win a spot on the crew of the very first manned mission to Mars. Oh, and one more slight obstacle? There might be a reason that by 2085 a human still hasn't set foot on the Red Planet. A dangerous reason. A reason worth killing for. In You're Going to Mars! Rob Dircks, Audible best-selling author of Where the Hell Is Tesla?, creates a near-future filled with family (the good kind and the insufferable kind), pop divas, mobsters, and the world's first trillionaire - and sends them all on a science fiction odyssey/comedy/love story/adventure that will change their world forever.

You're Going to Mars!

The sequel to Where the Hell is Tesla? is HERE! SOMETHING CALLED THE "BLUE JUICE" IS COMING. FOR ALL OF US. Luckily, me (Chip Collins), Pete, Nikola Tesla, Bobo, and FBI Agent Gina Phillips are here to kick its ass, and send it back to last Tuesday. Maybe. Or maybe we'll fail, and everyone in the multiverse is doomed. (Seriously, you might want to get that underground bunker ready.) Either way, I've got to get home to Julie and find out... woah, I'm not about to tell you that right here in the book description! TMI. WARNING: If you haven't read Where the Hell is Tesla?, I apologize in advance, as you might get completely freaking lost. If you do, just call my apartment, I'm usually around, and I'll fill you in. (If I'm not stuck in the ITA.) - Chip

Don't Touch the Blue Stuff! (Where the Hell is Tesla? Book 2)

Like episodes of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits, the sixteen stories contained in Listen To The Signal, Short Stories Volume 1 ask questions like, "What would happen if an iPhone game was addictive - to everyone?" and "Are we all living inside a simulation? And if so, who's running it?" and "When a pilot has to emergency land in a remote town near Area 51 what does he find?" Hi, Rob Dircks here. I'm the Audible bestselling author of Where the Hell is Tesla?, and I've been writing and narrating these stories since 2016 on my podcast, Listen To The Signal. But now I've made them available ONLY here in this book. They include: Dakō - Today I Invented Time Travel - End Game - November 8, 2016 - Quick Fix - Horatio Breathed His Last - Purgatory - Out of the Blue - Tick Tick Tick - Rose - Red Parka - Bloop - Their DNA Was No Longer the Same - The Last One - Mister Personality - Christmas in Silver Peak. Back when I started this project, I was thinking what the heck, writing some short stories will keep me fresh, let me try things I might not try otherwise, act as a sort-of sketch book of my story ideas: the funny, the weird, the scary, the sappy, and sometimes all of that mashed up together. Well, two years later, I had no idea how proud I would be of this body of work, and how genuinely psyched I am to be sharing these stories with you in this format. I probably shouldn't pump up the hype too much, and let you decide on your own, but man, going through these again for production, I felt like a proud papa, gathering up all my little babies, or like I was collecting a bag of gems. Wow, I just wrote "bag of gems" in all seriousness, like it's a totally everyday phrase, like I might find myself out on horseback in some medieval European country and have the need to reach into my little leather sack for a gem to purchase an entire village. Anyway, it feels like a bag of gems to me, and I hope it does to you, too. P.S. Your enjoyment of these short stories doesn't end with this book! I'll continue to write more and publish them first free on the Listen To The Signal podcast, I try to do one a month (but you know how that goes). And if you'd like to be reminded when they come out, you can sign up for my very occasional and not-at-all spammy email newsletter at ListenToTheSignal.com or RobDircks.com. P.P.S. The introduction music and some of the individual story music snippets were composed and performed by Danny Greenlees, and used with his permission. You can find his music at zebfrinar.bandcamp.com.

Short Stories

Listen to the Signal

SCI-FI ODDYSEY. COMEDY. LOVE STORY. AND THAT'S JUST PART ONE. I found the journal at work. Well, I don't know if you'd call it work, but that's where I found it. It's the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an "Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus" - that allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite dimensions that make up the multiverse. Crazy, right? But that's just where the crazy starts, dude.

Where the Hell Is Tesla? (Part One)

David Gerrold

Gini Koch

Simon R. Green

Esther Friesner

Jody Lynn Nye

Laura Resnick

Wendy Maas

SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HUMOR The Unidentified Funny Objects series delivers an annual dose of funny, zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! * Superheroes mired in government bureaucracy. * Cat cat-burglars. * Grandmotherly golems. * Literal-minded self-driving cars. * Evil overlords retired in Florida. * Indifferent aliens.

Unidentified Funny Objects 8

Like episodes of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits, the sixteen stories contained in Listen To The Signal, Short Stories Volume 1 ask questions like, "What would happen if an iPhone game was addictive - to everyone?" and "Are we all living inside a simulation? And if so, who's running it?" and "When a pilot has to emergency land in a remote town near Area 51 what does he find?"Hi, Rob Dircks here. I'm the Audible bestselling author of Where the Hell is Tesla?, and I've been writing and narrating these stories since 2016 on my podcast, Listen To The Signal. But now I've made them available ONLY here in this book. They include: Dakō - Today I Invented Time Travel - End Game - November 8, 2016 - Quick Fix - Horatio Breathed His Last - Purgatory - Out of the Blue - Tick Tick Tick - Rose - Red Parka - Bloop - Their DNA Was No Longer the Same - The Last One - Mister Personality - Christmas in Silver Peak. Back when I started this project, I was thinking what the heck, writing some short stories will keep me fresh, let me try things I might not try otherwise, act as a sort-of sketch book of my story ideas: the funny, the weird, the scary, the sappy, and sometimes all of that mashed up together. Well, two years later, I had no idea how proud I would be of this body of work, and how genuinely psyched I am to be sharing these stories with you in this format. I probably shouldn't pump up the hype too much, and let you decide on your own, but man, going through these again for production, I felt like a proud papa, gathering up all my little babies, or like I was collecting a bag of gems.Wow, I just wrote "bag of gems" in all seriousness, like it's a totally everyday phrase, like I might find myself out on horseback in some medieval European country and have the need to reach into my little leather sack for a gem to purchase an entire village.Anyway, it feels like a bag of gems to me, and I hope it does to you, too.P.S. Your enjoyment of these short stories doesn't end with this book! I'll continue to write more and publish them first free on the Listen To The Signal podcast, I try to do one a month (but you know how that goes). And if you'd like to be reminded when they come out, you can sign up for my very occasional and not-at-all spammy email newsletter at ListenToTheSignal.com or RobDircks.com. P.P.S. The introduction music and some of the individual story music snippets were composed and performed by Danny Greenlees, and used with his permission. You can find his music at zebfrinar.bandcamp.com.

Rob Dircks

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