bell hooks

In a thought-provoking social and cultural analysis, the author of All About Love explores the world of masculinity and maleness to address some of men's most common concerns, including a fear of intimacy and the loss of their patriarchal place in society, arguing that an emotionally rewarding inner life holds the key to successful intimate relationships. Reprint. 15,000 first printing.

Men, Masculinity, and Love

The Will to Change

mira lee

“When I first began looking at gender issues, I believed that violence was a by-product of boyhood socialization. But after listening more closely to men and their families, I have come to believe that violence IS boyhood socialization. The way we "turn boys into men" is through injury: We sever them from their guardians, research tells us, far too early. We pull them away from their own expressiveness, from their feelings, from sensitivity to others. The very phrase "Be a man" means suck it up and keep going. Disconnection is not fallout from traditional masculinity. Disconnection IS masculinity.”

Pearl Bechard

While some women active in the feminist movement felt anguished about our collective inability to convert masses of men to feminist thinking, many women simply felt that feminism gave them permission to be indifferent to men, to turn away from male needs.

Fear keeps us from being close to the men in our lives; it keeps us from love.

And there remains a small strain of feminist thinkers who feel strongly that they have given all they want to give to men; they are concerned solely with improving the collective welfare of women. Yet life has shown me that any time a single male dares to transgress patriarchal boundaries in order to love, the lives of women, men, and children are fundamentally changed for the better.

Only a revolution of values in our nation will end male violence, and that revolution will necessarily be based on a love ethic. To create loving men, we must love males. Loving maleness is different from praising and rewarding males for living up to sexist-defined notions of male identity. Caring about men because of what they do for us is not the same as loving males for simply being. When we love male- ness, we extend our love whether males are performing or not. Performance is different from simply being. In patriarchal culture males are not allowed simply to be who they are and to glory in cheir unique identity. Their value is always determined by what they do.

Patriarchy both creates the rage in boys and then contains it for later use, making it a resource to exploit later on as boys become men. As a national product, this rage can be garnered to further imperialism, hatred, and oppression of women and men globally. This rate is needed if boys are to become men willing to travel around the world to fight wars without ever demanding that other ways of solving conflict be found.

To truly protect and honor the emotional lives of bos we must challenge patriarchal culture. And until that culture changes, we must create the subcultures, the sanctuaries where boys can learn to be who they are uniquely, without being forced to conform to patriarchal masculine visions. To love boys rightly we must value their inner lives enough to construct worlds, both private and publc, where their right to wholeness can be consistently celebrated and affirmed, where their need to love and be loved can be fulfilled.

Mothers who ally themselves with patriarchy cannot love their sons rightly, for there will always come a moment when patriarchy will ask them to sacrifice their sons.

Male domination does not allow mutual intimacy to emerge; it keps fathers from touching the hearts of their children

lulu

Patriarchy demands of men that they become and remain emotional cripples.

His personal shortcomings become rationalised by an evolving misogyny.

That we live in a world in which people continue to use the same word for sex and violence, and then resist the notion that sex is routinely violent and claim to be outraged when sex becomes overtly violent, is testament to the power of patriarchy.

One might add that it is a supreme testament to patriarchy’s power that it can convince men and women to pretend that sexual violence satisfies.

Anger often hides depression and profound sorrow.

Patricia K

This book reaches a lot of nuance in femminist theory that is often over looked or ommited. A really great read, both thoughtful and enjoyable to read.

Yvette

Everyone should read this book. Understanding the patriarchy and what it really is has been super impactful for me. Bell Hooks describes the intricate nuances of a complex epidemic plaguing our world, in particular America.  I feel far better equipped to handle my prejudices and patriarchal tendencies. This book didn’t make me feel overly guilty or felt like it was all my fault. But was a kind journey of urgent self reflection. 

Truman M Halladay

“Men need feminist thinking. It is a theory that supports their spiritual evolution and their shift away from the patriarchal model. Patriarchy is destroying the well being of men and taking their lives daily.”

Marion

Sloan, Kara

I've always loved bell hooks, and this did not disappoint. Skillfully and lovingly infused a discussion about patriarchy and it's pitfalls with hope, empathy, and love. This was wonderful.

Michael Moreno

Another book club assignment about the prison that patriarchy traps men in. It details the unspoken death boys experience while developing into men when one learns to kill their emotions & sensitivities in order to become "masculine."

Kirstine Dueholm

To everyone who cares deeply about the men in their lives, this book is for you.

Mattia Compagnucci

One of the most important books I’ve ever read.

Roger

Essential reading for anyone wanting to understand toxic masculinity, daring to build alternatives and particularly for men who want love to flourish in their lives.

Emily McMeans

With the courage, honesty, and compassion that have made her one of America's most provocative authorities on modern culture, bell hooks takes on the interior lives of men and answers their most intimate questions about love. Everyone needs to love and be loved -- even men. In this groundbreaking book, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are -- whatever their age, ethnicity, or cultural persuasion. Written in response to the author's in-depth discussions with men who were inspired by her trilogy, All About Love, Salvation, and Communion, bell hooks's The Will to Change addresses maleness and masculinity in new and challenging ways. With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks answers the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves. Only through this liberation will they lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. Men can access these feelings by giving themselves permission to be vulnerable. As they grow more comfortable and start believing that it's okay to feel, to need, and to desire, they will thrive as equal partners in their intimate relationships. Whether they are straight or gay, black or white, The Will to Change helps men to reclaim the best part of themselves.

The Will to Change Men, Masculinity, and Love