Name: Conflict Is Not Abuse
ISBN: 9781551526430

Sarah Schulman

Sarah Schulman illuminates the differences between Conflict and Abuse in this revelatory book that addresses the contemporary culture of scapegoating.

Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair

Conflict Is Not Abuse

Maggie Gordon

Conflict is Not Abuse is a book I suspect many people will hate. However, it says some important and astute things about how society deals with conflict and abuse. Specifically, Schulman is writing a call to action for people to sort out problems with communication rather than label them as unworkable too quickly. She differentiates situations where one person abuses their power over another from situations where parties are mutually encountering difficulties with one another. She argues that conflicts are too often labelled as abuse, and that overuse of shunning and communication prevents people from working through solvable problems. 

Schulman's greatest weakness, however, are her examples. In particular, the last chapter on Israel and Palestine, most of the writing are just examples of Tweets and Facebook posts rather than analysis. I think she had an interesting point, but I would have preferred she have gotten to the point rather than show me how horrible people were online. She also uses some... questionable personal examples which, admittedly, are thought provoking, but possibly more complicated than she gives them credit for. 

Overall, not a perfect book, but an interesting one.

this is really 2.5 stars. there's some really good stuff in here about handling conflict, especially in a macro sense, but a lot of this book is also incredibly petty and just the author relitigating personal experiences and trying to assure herself she did nothing wrong which is... yeah, that ain't it.

Maggie Delano

This book is a must read for those interested in interpersonal relationships and state violence. Sarah Schulman challenges the concept of shunning as an effective means for conflict resolution. She highlights how Supremacy and Trauma can both result in harmful behavior and disproportionate escalation to perceived threats (perceiving abuse when there is conflict).

Nicholas Hanemann

A practical exploration of restorative justice focusing on emotional well-being. Takes a somewhat contrary stance on what she views as the (over)recognition of abuse within activist communities, but manages to engage in worthwhile criticism of counterproductive responses to such claims of abuse that do not allow for healing and positive forward progression (i.e. shunning). This is not concerned with dismissing clear examples of "conscious power over", but instead focuses on incidents where, through any number of factors (belief that comfort will only be extended to those with demonstrable pain, displacement of past abuse onto present conflict) normative conflict will be misconstrued as abuse. Throughout, this is placed within a discussion on how the state, the family, and the apartheid (exemplified in Israel re:Gaza) leverages this escalation of harm to enhance its "power over", which disproportionately harms those populations most likely to experience systematic abuse.

On a personal note, this book has helped me "ease off the gas" on less consequential parts of my life where disagreements or negative/undesired behavior crop up. I've been integrating this framing into my interactions over the course of my reading, and have felt overall less stressed and less anxious about potential conflict, without feeling like I've become more self-centered or less caring. Recommended if you want to feel more at ease with your immediate surroundings without losing compassion for others.

Conflict Is Not Abuse Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair