Heather Lewis

My Stepbrother is a Vampire

Sarah Escorsa

BR with my MacHalo Freaks starting May 15, 2015.



Do you have a death wish Heather Lewis? 

Do you think you can lure me into reading this piece of crap with the promise of Erotic First Time New Adult Taboo Vampire Romance, give me THE CHEESIEST ROMANCE EVER instead and live through it? Seriously? Do you realize your Erotic First Time New Adult Taboo Vampire Romance is even CHEESIER than The Duke and I?



Did you think to yourself: "oh, my story is not nearly pathetic enough, let's throw a TSTL heroine in there too!" Because whatever-the-hell-her-name-is-I can't remember-and-I-don't-give-a-damn is so STUPID she should receive a lifetime achievement award. Why does she think stepdaddy dearest is a vampire?“He stays up all night and sleeps all day in the cellar. He’s always away on business. Not to mention that he likes his beef rare.”
→ Right. Makes perfect sense. But wait, it gets better. The dear girl has been suspicious about this bloodsucking situation for some time but why the sudden realization?
  “It’s just we were having dinner one night and there’s this mirror in the dining room…” “Yeah?” “He didn’t cast a reflection.” “And you’re just noticing this now?” “I’m sorry,” Ashleigh sighed. “I guess now that I’m older it bothers me. When I was thirteen, all I cared about was getting a dad. Now I’m afraid he’ll start flapping his wings.”
→ What exactly are you sorry about? Being a STUPID IDOT?



Hey Hearther Lewis, the CHEESE and TSTL heroine weren't enough? You needed to add a best friend who awakens the serial murderer in me, too?
  “Well, at least you’ve got a brother,” Kaila pointed out. “Try putting up with a slut for a sister.” “Don’t tell me she’s at it again!” “Uh-huh,” Kaila snorted in disgust. “After the abortion I thought she’d learned her lesson. Nope!” “Who’s she with now?” “The rugby team.” “The whole team?” “Yeah. And the wrestling team. The fencing team. The chess club.”


Hey Heather Lewis, because I'm a kind soul I won't even mention the sex scenes. Oops, sorry, I lied.
  Ashleigh clung to him, whimpering as hot waves of pleasure swamped her lithe body. “Sebastian!” she shrieked in fright. “What is it?”
→ Please kill me somebody. 



►► I rest my case ◄◄


  


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My Stepbrother is a Vampire

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