J.A. Cipriano

Full Metal Magic

Sarah Escorsa

Disclaimer: there are nine short stories in this collection. I only read two of them. Pippa DaCosta's and Craig Schaefer's. Because I'm disgustingly selective and stuff. And because DUH.

➽ Chase the Dark by Pippa DaCosta: 5 stars. Surprise, surprise.

This is an awesome short story from the awesome Soul Eater series. Please don't tell me you've never heard of it. No, really, even if that's the case, you do not want to tell me about it. Because if you do, I will have to unleash the murderous crustaceans on you. And believe me, you do not want me to do that.

But anyway. 

✎ Question: how can you go wrong with…

➼ Severed body parts, aka yum yum yum.
➼ Ace Dante, High Security Harem Top Notch Material (HSHTNM™), slightly conflicted Soul Eater, and, alternatively, "Osiris' little bitch."
➼ Shu, Ace's Somewhat Reluctant Kind of Awesome Demon Sidekick (SRKoADS™), who will gladly eat your tongue if don't shut the shrimp up.
➼ Sobek, aka the "prehistoric asshole," aka yet another delightfully sociopathic, deliciously batshit crazy Egyptian god.
➼ New York sewers and "rabid, magically enhanced Nile crocs."



✎ Answer: you can't. Especially if your name is Awesome Pippa DaCosta is Awesome (APDCiA™). Because that means you're awesome and failproof and can do no wrong and stuff.

» And the moral of this Super Short Non Review Thingie (SSNRT™) is: I rest my case and QED. And stuff. Ha.

ARC kindly provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.

· Book 1: Hidden Blade ★★★★★
· Book 2: Witches' Banes ★★★★★
· Book 3: See No Evil ★★★★★
· Book 4: Scorpion Trap ★★★★★
· Book 5: Serpent's Game ★★★★★
· Book 6: Edge of Forever ★★★★★



➽ A Drive in the Country by Craig Schaefer: 4 stars. I know, I know, only 4 stars. What can I say? This one sucked big time.

This is an awesome short story from the awesome Daniel Faust series. You know how this goes, right? Do not tell me you've never heard of it, blah blah blah, murderous crustaceans, blah blah blah, you do not want to do that, blah blah blah.

Moving on.

✎ 
  Question
: my Danny Boy, aka Book Boyfriend #1, aka my High Security Harem's Undisputed Unequalled Irreplaceable King (HSHUUIK™) asks you to go on a country drive with him. What do you do?

a) Decline because you know if you accept I will unleash the murderous crustaceans on you. Which, in all likeliness, will result in your dying a slightly slow, kind of horrible, somewhat painful ☠ death ☠.
b) Decline because you have a bad back, and therefore will not be able to put your Magnificent Own-Grave Digging Skills (MOGDS™) to good use. Such a shame.
c) Decline because you smell something decidedly fishy in the air have an important doctor's appointment you just cannot miss. About your bad back. Obviously.
d) Decline because MY Danny Boy can display Mad Homicidal Maniac Skills (MHMS™). Sometimes. Like, when you screw with him or his Family of Dubious Morals (FoDM™).
e) Decline. Because all of the above.

 

Perplexing, isn't it? Come on, my Little Barnacles, put your two all your grey cells together and think! Yeah, I know, it's a tough one. Arduous Decision Time (ADT™) and stuff. So? What will it be? No need to rush, take your time. Okay, don't take too long to answer, either. It's not like I have all day. Things to do, exasperating nitwits to annihilate places to go and all that crap. So? What's your pick? Answer e? Good choice! Now you might just live another day. Maybe. Who knows. The murderous crustaceans are getting restless. Not sure I can hold them back much longer.



· Book 1: The Long Way Down ★★★★
· Book 1.5: The White Gold Score ★★★★★
· Book 2: Redemption Song ★★★★
· Book 3: The Living End ★★★★★
· Book 4: A Plain-Dealing Villain ★★★★
· Book 5: The Killing Floor Blues ★★★★★
· Book 6: The Castle Doctrine ★★★★★
· Book 6.1: Sweet, Blissful Certainty ★★★
· Book 7: Double or Nothing ★★★★★
· Book 7.2: Sixty Six Seconds ★★★★
· Book 8: The Neon Boneyard ★★★★★
· Book 9: The Locust Job ★★★★★



[Pre-review nonsense]


  Monday morning maths
: 

If
a = there is a freaking Pippa DaCosta ARC in your inbox today is your day off.
and
b = there is a freaking Pippa DaCosta ARC in your inbox there are only 27 days left before you get a three-month holiday.
and
c = there is a freaking Pippa DaCosta ARC in your inbox there is a freaking Pippa DaCosta/Ace Dante is Mine (ADiM™) ARC in your inbox.
and
d = there is a freaking Pippa DaCostaARC in your inbox the freaking Pippa DaCosta/Ace Dante is Mine (ADiM™) ARC also contains a freaking Craig Schaefer/Daniel Faust is MINE (DFiM™) ARC.

then

a + b + +c + d =



and also:



and also also:



and also also also:



Obviously.

Thank you, Pippa, you just killed me dead.

Full Metal Magic

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