Name: Someone I Used to Know
ISBN: 9781492632818

Patty Blount

Two years after she was raped, Ashley, now a high school junior and still struggling with everyday life, sees her family falling apart.

Someone I Used to Know

I don’t know where to start tbh, writing this review at 4am 

First I love the sibling perspective they portrayed in this book. Both Ashley and Derek are complex and realistic depictions of human beings

I also think the plotline and perspective of this book is a unique and rare view into both how rape culture and misoginy plays out in different ways and how it starts, but also the whole plot with how Derek defended Ashley’s rapist is something I’ve never seen being showed through siblings

Derek is a complex and flawed character, few people would have liked him irl which is understandable. What he did to Ashley was heartbreaking, hurtful and unacceptable. But the change and self reflection he goes into afterwards is both interesting and eye opening. The way he realised he was part of the problem by turning a blind eye to all the sexist comments, jokes, actions and words that were said both by him and his friends. He slowly realised to stop rape from happening you have to take it by it’s root which is how men view women and the concept they have on the world and about themselves. To stop it he had to understand it’s everyone’s problems not just the victims or the women.

I thought the author did a briliant job at showing the rape culture and sexism in the world, both how ignoring dirty jokes and objectifying women can lead to rape but also how rape happens to both men and women plus how the secondary victims are being impacted even though they didn’t experience the rape themselves, it still affects them

The view on how men attack other men for standing up for women or fighting against sexism was also scarely accurate and sad. It opened up the spectrum to showing that it’s not only what happens between women and men but also what happens between men and other men.

There are many moments that hit me during this book, some are:

When Derek spirals and realises he was part of the problem all along, the self hatred trip he goes onto and the way he slowly starts to see how himself through his sister’s eyes 

When Ted talks to Derek and explains that even though he feels like he did everything he could to apologise to his sister, this isn’t about him, it’s about her, not because she’s a girl but because she was the one who got hurt and he was a part of causing that pain. It hit me that the times I’ve been hurt by someone, not seeing my support or love as enough to get them out of pain, was never a reflection of how they see me, but rather a picture of how deep their pain is. That’s something I needed to hear 

The speech Grace held (who I also didn’t realise was the same character I had read about in another book) specifically these words: «When you believe a nice kid like him, a guy from a great family, is a monster, it means you have to redefine what a monster really is…and own your share of the blame in creating those monsters. For way too many people, that’s as bad as admitting you’re a monster, too.” That line hit me hard, it’s something I’ve thought about many times about how I view people and when they’re doing something morally wrong and you love them too much to blame them, a part of you hates yourself because you realise maybe that means you’re just like them..

The moment between Brittany and Derek, when she confronted him and even went as far as saying the darkest thoughts he had about himself were true «you are the problem, you are a monster, now what are you gonna do about it?» that line digs deep into pain, self hate but also self reflection. You have this moment where you can choose to either dig deeper into the self hate or use it as a way to change, to stop the negative cycle. I’ve had similar moments like this in my life, where I need to stop and self reflect and choose to not spiral deeper but rather see that self blame without change will only hurt more. At the same time I’ve also been on the other side where you love someone so deeply that you choose to see the best in them while you’re also not blind to their flaws and mistakes, but you try like Brittany to first be gentle and show support but then there comes a moment where you do know they are the problem, or at least part of it. 

Brittany was also one of the characters I related the most to. She fell for someone who had done questionable things, and while she saw the good in him and chose to believe in that, she also saw the darkness in him, she didn’t romanticise it, instead she saw him for what he was but opened her arms to him despite what he had done. That’s something not many people would do and whether it’s right or wrong is another topic but I did really relate to this part of her.

The ending was a good self reflection portrayed by both Derek and Ashley. Derek spiraled more into self hate and wanted to end it after realising nothing he did or said could ever make up for the pain he had caused his sister. Ashley realised that her brother actually tried this time and that maybe justice wasn’t enough, what she needed had been her family connection to be mended and for that to happen she had to see that there were things she hadn’t noticed or been aware of, rape affects everyone and her assault had affected her family just like it had affected her. That didn’t make it her fault or meant that they felt her pain but just that she wasn’t alone in being affected by it

I would have given this five stars had the vocabulary been better and less childish at times. Other than that I do think this is one of those books everyone should read whether they have personal experience with it or not. After all to stop rape from happening we have to realise it is everyone’s problems

Lulu Evensen

I don’t know where to start tbh, writing this review at 4am 

First I love the sibling perspective they portrayed in this book. Both Ashley and Derek are complex and realistic depictions of human beings

I also think the plotline and perspective of this book is a unique and rare view into both how rape culture and misoginy plays out in different ways and how it starts, but also the whole plot with how Derek defended Ashley’s rapist is something I’ve never seen being showed through siblings

Derek is a complex and flawed character, few people would have liked him irl which is understandable. What he did to Ashley was heartbreaking, hurtful and unacceptable. But the change and self reflection he goes into afterwards is both interesting and eye opening. The way he realised he was part of the problem by turning a blind eye to all the sexist comments, jokes, actions and words that were said both by him and his friends. He slowly realised to stop rape from happening you have to take it by it’s root which is how men view women and the concept they have on the world and about themselves. To stop it he had to understand it’s everyone’s problems not just the victims or the women.

I thought the author did a briliant job at showing the rape culture and sexism in the world, both how ignoring dirty jokes and objectifying women can lead to rape but also how rape happens to both men and women plus how the secondary victims are being impacted even though they didn’t experience the rape themselves, it still affects them

The view on how men attack other men for standing up for women or fighting against sexism was also scarely accurate and sad. It opened up the spectrum to showing that it’s not only what happens between women and men but also what happens between men and other men.

There are many moments that hit me during this book, some are:

When Derek spirals and realises he was part of the problem all along, the self hatred trip he goes onto and the way he slowly starts to see how himself through his sister’s eyes 

When Ted talks to Derek and explains that even though he feels like he did everything he could to apologise to his sister, this isn’t about him, it’s about her, not because she’s a girl but because she was the one who got hurt and he was a part of causing that pain. It hit me that the times I’ve been hurt by someone, not seeing my support or love as enough to get them out of pain, was never a reflection of how they see me, but rather a picture of how deep their pain is. That’s something I needed to hear 

The speech Grace held (who I also didn’t realise was the same character I had read about in another book) specifically these words: «When you believe a nice kid like him, a guy from a great family, is a monster, it means you have to redefine what a monster really is…and own your share of the blame in creating those monsters. For way too many people, that’s as bad as admitting you’re a monster, too.” That line hit me hard, it’s something I’ve thought about many times about how I view people and when they’re doing something morally wrong and you love them too much to blame them, a part of you hates yourself because you realise maybe that means you’re just like them..

The moment between Brittany and Derek, when she confronted him and even went as far as saying the darkest thoughts he had about himself were true «you are the problem, you are a monster, now what are you gonna do about it?» that line digs deep into pain, self hate but also self reflection. You have this moment where you can choose to either dig deeper into the self hate or use it as a way to change, to stop the negative cycle. I’ve had similar moments like this in my life, where I need to stop and self reflect and choose to not spiral deeper but rather see that self blame without change will only hurt more. At the same time I’ve also been on the other side where you love someone so deeply that you choose to see the best in them while you’re also not blind to their flaws and mistakes, but you try like Brittany to first be gentle and show support but then there comes a moment where you do know they are the problem, or at least part of it. 

Brittany was also one of the characters I related the most to. She fell for someone who had done questionable things, and while she saw the good in him and chose to believe in that, she also saw the darkness in him, she didn’t romanticise it, instead she saw him for what he was but opened her arms to him despite what he had done. That’s something not many people would do and whether it’s right or wrong is another topic but I did really relate to this part of her.

The ending was a good self reflection portrayed by both Derek and Ashley. Derek spiraled more into self hate and wanted to end it after realising nothing he did or said could ever make up for the pain he had caused his sister. Ashley realised that her brother actually tried this time and that maybe justice wasn’t enough, what she needed had been her family connection to be mended and for that to happen she had to see that there were things she hadn’t noticed or been aware of, rape affects everyone and her assault had affected her family just like it had affected her. That didn’t make it her fault or meant that they felt her pain but just that she wasn’t alone in being affected by it

I would have given this five stars had the vocabulary been better and less childish at times. Other than that I do think this is one of those books everyone should read whether they have personal experience with it or not. After all to stop rape from happening we have to realise it is everyone’s problems