John J. Donohue

Helen C. Krumpf is retiring after forty-two years at R.J. Mrssk Co., Inc.. This would appear to be an event of towering insignificance, since an announcement of her departure and an observance thereof arouse no interest whatsoever among her coworkers. But events totally unrelated to her are conspiring to make her retirement dinner a truly memorable occasion. For their own very different reasons, almost a thousand R.J. Mrssk Co. employees (with the notable exception of the guest of honor) will find their way to the retirement dinner. The legendary head of the corporation, Rufe Clayton, will be there. Rufe has recently been stricken with Alzheimer’s disease (having just turned eighty-one, he’s entitled). He has come to anoint as his successor Winston Thornton (Zack) Russ III, currently vice-president, Eastern area. A snafu in the system Zack Russ uses to spy on corporate headquarters causes him to believe that Old Man Clayton is coming east to fire him. He prepares an appropriate welcome. Boom-boom DeFrancesco, assistant manager accounting department, will be there. So will Marla, Sandi, Miranda, and a new hire, a dark haired lovely young lady whose name Boom-Boom has not yet learned. Trying to allocate himself equitably among these and possibly a few other ladies has caused him to forget an assignment given him by his boss, Ralph Murphy. He was supposed to arrange to get the guest of honor to her retirement dinner. Two mutually hostile groups of employees will be there- the smokers and non-smokers of R. J. Mrssk Co., Inc.. And if you don’t think they’re hostile, just keep your eye on Frank Murratta. Brand new rookies (Amanda and Adam) and seasoned veterans (Tina and Sam), extra-marital players/ office affairs division will seize the opportunity presented by this company sanctioned night out to do their thing. The serenely beautiful fruitcake, Myrna Gulinski will be there with her adoring housemate/ husband to be, Ted Glump. And apprentice human being , Gwendolyn Glump, whom fate will unexpectedly tap for a starring role in the nights festivities. And not one, but two, major television networks will be on hand to cover the proceedings. This is because of a hot rumor that the retiring Helen C. Krumpf is the first (of fourteen) wives of television superstar, Jackie Mervin. And, the rumor goes on to say, they are getting back together. Television personalities Paula Cantwell and June Peterie will be on hand to cover this breaking story for their respective networks. Alas, Jackie Mervin will not be in attendance. There is no truth to the rumor regarding him and Helen C. Krumpf. In fact, even as the guests begin to arrive at the retirement dinner, Jackie is in a west side chapel marrying his latest (and truest) love, Hokie the Hack. But the evening will be anything but a wasted trip for the television personalities, their camera crews, and their nationwide audiences. There will be more than enough that is eminently newsworthy to justify their presence. And, in what will turn out to be of particular interest to June Peterie, Sam Chess, engineering department, R.J. Mrssk Co., Inc. will be there. Sam has long been obsessed with June Peterie, and he will take the opportunity presented to him tonight by fate to lay to rest certain concerns he has had regarding her. It is Friday evening, September 8th, and close to a thousand employees of the R. J. Mrssk Co., Inc. head to the Commodore Hotel. You might want to come along.

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