John Morton

If John had just studied for the LSAT, none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have had to fire the prettiest girl and the scariest bouncer at the bars he managed, wouldn't have faked his way through business school, wouldn't have stumbled into a career writing speeches for the CEOs of some of the world's biggest companies. Chances are, he would have never been arrested on his way to work, faced down that deranged transvestite in New Orleans, or drunkenly told Ross Perot to "take it easy." But John didn't study. He winged it, and time and again in this tragicomic romp, he learns that winging it can lead to some pretty awkward adventures.

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