Sue Townsend

The royal family has been living in exile on a bleak housing estate for the past thirteen years. Prince Charles is happy: he has married the love of his life, Camilla, and taken her to live in his tiny council house. He spends his time gardening, poultry keeping and writing his tortured autobiography, Uneasy Lies the Head. Camilla occupies herself in doing as little as possible. When the revitalized Conservative Party under the guidance of their new leader 'Boy' Mackintosh, publish their election manifesto the 'reinstatement of the monarchy' is the first in the list of bullet points. Her Majesty Elizabeth II cannot face being Queen again and sends Charles a formal letter: Dearest Charles, At 9.30 this morning I abdicated my position as Queen of Britain, the Commonwealth etc. etc. etc. PS It's wheelie bin day today. PPS Give my love to Queen Camilla.

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